Family meals hold a special place in our hearts. For the past 18 years, we’ve made the effort to gather together at least once a day to experience the benefits of this tradition. We grew as a family from from 2 to 3, then soon thereafter to 4, and then we added twins, giving us 6 around the table. We made our way through dinner time meltdowns, a million “I don’t like that food,” continued lessons in proper manners, and lots and lots of laughter.
And now, there is an empty seat at the table.
The past few months my son had been making himself scarce. But, that’s the life of a recent high school graduate. He seemed more focused on making plans for get-always with his friends, than participating in any family adventures (with the exception of our trip to Peru). “I’m not here much longer, so I’m going to hang out with my friends,” he’d declare. Inside I’d think, “Well, you’re not going to be here much longer, what about us? Your family?”
On to Miami
I’ve been letting out the reigns for some time, and slowly coming to accept that he’d be off in college, across the country, transitioning to a new way of life. When we jumped on a plane to Miami, I was excited, as I was pushing away the thought of the impending ‘end’ of his childhood days living under my roof. Long gone were the days of playing trains, building blocks, and singing and dancing around the house, but I still held onto the moments were would find ourselves together . . . our family meals.
Food is about sharing, loving, giving. It has always been at the center of our lives. We’ve spent time in the kitchen together since the kids were little. We sit down for breakfast together, gather around the table for dinner, and make sure the food was delicious and healthy, alongside the togetherness. I can attest to the multitude of positives the process of gathering for family meals has brought to our lives. We’ve shared our lives with each other on a daily basis, had lively discussions about anything ranging from favorite Saturday morning cartoons to black holes; and at times, simply sat in silence, feeling each others’ presence, yet knowing that we would be there for each other, through the good and the bad.
Even during the time we were in Miami, readying him to move into the dorm, it was still about food and family. Upon arrival, we drove directly to may aunt and uncles house for a gathering of the extended family. We celebrated our togetherness – and the fact that one of our family would once again be down in South Florida.
The next eve, it was dinner at a friends house – a gathering of my swimming buddies, introducing them to Gray and getting a promise that they’d look after him if needed. The next eve it was dinner at my favorite BBQ spot in South Miami, Shorty’s. We were joined by Gray’s roommate and his family, getting to know new friends, and sharing in a delicious meal. Finally on his last night with us in town we treated him to another favorite of mine – Rusty Pelican out on Key Biscayne. Here, with the Miami skyline as the backdrop, we enjoyed a delicious meal on our final night with our son before heading home.
I think the family and friends mealtime gatherings helped me ease into this new reality. Despite all the busy-ness of orientation week, we found the time to slow down, and connect over a delicious meal, while discussing his new life at University of Miami before we loosened our reigns a bit more. We could sense his excitement, and the gentle pulling away from us, as he desired to immerse himself into his new reality as a college student.
Readjusting at Home
Back here at home, there is that empty seat at the table. A long term empty seat — not just an occasional emptiness because he is working that evening, or out with friends. But, the emptiness that comes with the realization that he is no longer here, under our roof, following our house rules, adding his silliness to our mealtime, asking for specific meals . . .
Now, we have more elbow room around the table. There are also added benefits of lower weekly food costs, a bit less teen arguing and fewer dishes to clean.
At the same time, I must celebrate the empty seat at our dinner table, because I know that he is spreading his wings, reinventing himself, finding his groove, and growing into a fine young man.
I secretly hope that he misses our family meals, but know he won’t admit it to me. Instead, I’ll send a care package filled with homemade goodies — just like my mom did for me while I was in college, many moons ago. I guess that’s a rite of passage for new mom’s of college-aged kids.
I can’t imagine what it will be like when all 4 are gone . . .
But until then, the 5 of us here back at home will continue to gather together for our family meals.
